Saturday, March 31, 2007 '
With every breath and savour u take,
dont remember me.As for I,will be,and always be in ur heart..
Well isnt that too mushy.haha.Hey im tryin 2 get a hang of poetry ok,im doin it 4 literature..hehe im a top scorer.;) But u noe,these words just came 2 me like poof.Maybe cos im getting over it.But really,i nearly got over it..And I don wish 2 make her think that im some stoopid pshyco pathetic geek who cant get over with life.haha OK that was just extra,i guess.Lets just hope that I stop thinking of her,stop having dreams of her,and stop showing/telling her that im still not over her.I'll just forget it 4 awhile you noe..she might just like me oneday..NOT!haha no seriously..i dont think its fated between us...Soo I'll just get on with my life and keep the naiveness of mine right here,in my heart, and remember that we're not fated to be...=)
'
OMG...Y AM I STILL NT OVER IT??its like **tooting** shit la.I mean i felt talkin 2 her all and slowly getting over it then she said smthing tt made tt feeling come back.Im like ugh!I got over it but smthing jus hit me soo damn fucking hard.I mean DUUH,wad the hell was wrong with me?things were getting 2 be better and i start having the feeling yet again.but hey,at least I 2 dare to right?despite knowing theres smone else in her heart.
I actually cant believe that i told her im still not over her.gosh.but really u know,IM SORRY 4 EVER LIKNG U!I really want us 2 start talking in real life cos when i talk 2 other people,i think i start 2 talk about unsensible things and i start acting stupid.And somehow talking 2 u makes my day ok.
And dont worry,by monday I'll get over it,im strong enough 2 at least 4get it 4 awhile.
Lets just hope we'll start talking again.=)
and who is sweetieboo in my chat thingie below my cbox?
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Saturday!yeah i woke up quite late.Tired.PUUH.This song really gets me on man..wooo!other than spiderwebs and other ska songs.Im stuffing my ears with earphones 2 avoid anything thats goin on in the house..HAHA.Its like,DAMN NICE LA.My mums still like tt..haiz..
But somehow,talking 2 Her makes me feel better.No really.Cos other then my close friends,i share more with you cos i feel that im able to.But really,sometimes I do prefer hearing ppl out.=)
OOOH and i finally found a book i can fall in love with.I mean its not always that I find "THE ONE".Its called The Candy Darlings by Christine Walde.Its about how CANDY!! became an obsession between two outcasts-one who only wanted to fit in,the other who knew she never would.It focuses on things like frendship and the power of each to help you define youself.And yes,you'll find lots of candy in there!haha.Well i'll try 2 tell u more when ive finished reading it yea?haha
Friday, March 30, 2007 '
YET AGAIN im having the madd mood.I mean 1 min im happy,SAD,ANGRY,SAD....and now,HAPPY!kinda..i dunnoe what would happen in the next few moments.haha.and yet again ive changed moi main song;COME RAIN COME SHINE!i noe,its kinda old already by now,but who cares!I FEELING IT MAN!WOOO THKS TATA YOUNG!and who says we need things like drugs?MUSIC gives u a natural high.......hurhurhur and also cos i say her quite alot 2day(like normal..DUUH!)but only this time i fel a lil bit different.I dunnoe how 2 put it..but yea i felt slightly different.DONT CHASE THE SUN,DONT RAISE THE SKY..sorry,im listening 2 the song.It just makes me feel so..WOOO!Well ofcourse other than rock,i luv songs with alot of bassy bassy,funky beats like this.It makes everything else look bright and stuff haha!And im like inspired after i hear bout some guy tt my classmates jammed with.They said things like,"WAH damn power!His double paddle damn fast!"And why was i inspired?cos i heard he use to REALLY suck tt ppl wld laugh at him.But he persevered and WOOOed the crowd!haha.
ahhh I GTG..BRB WITHMORE! HAHA
Thursday, March 29, 2007 '
o.0 saw her at the most unexpected times again..hurhurhur.And i like got a really unexpected email from my sis.How did she noe bout me?hmm..well actually i dont really care cos i don feel im in the wrong liking girls.I mean its just a phase in my life,im 14,im experiencing life.Even my counsellor says that.She says im not in the wrong cos i jus LIKE girls.And thats all.It dosent make me lesbian cos i didnt go beyond my line..im keeping it cool..haha well maybe different ppl think differently.like me,i dont really care cos i don think i did any wrong.
Well as for her,i dunnoe if she stills wanna go piercing.but im nt gonna pierce,jus accompany her..Well if U do wanna go,jus lemme know k?maybe thats a place 2 start our being able 2 talk in real life..maybe we cld just ignore wad happened and erm yea..
I'll wait till uve saved enough money..=)
Wednesday, March 28, 2007 '
Ok,it has at least been 2 weeks since i talked 2 her in real life.I think its about 2 weeks 2 days..I just cant bring myself 2 talk 2 her.And when i see her i'd feel soo stupid.Cos i remembered how i keep thinking of her,when actually,i just wasted my lifetime!
And everytime i feel like giving up in some studies cos things really start 2 suck.Even me.And i feel like crying more this year.I cant believe myself.It just sux.And y do i feel as if shes everywhere.Like when i go 2 places and REALLY didnt expect and want 2 see her,she just appears right infront of my eyes.And another time i was like stoning and staring at sm place and when i realised,i was actually facing her direction!wth.Well maybe its just me.i mean i really dunnoe wads got into me.Tears started filling my eyes just now.But actually crying helps cos its the other way my anger gets out.I cry not cos im sad or anything,im REALLY angry.I cant cut no more cos ive promised ppl not to.Gawd,i really need 2 change my attitude and start2 persevere more.I cant lose the strength tt i ve gained for the past few mths..
IM REALLY SORRY FOR EVER LIKING U AND EVEN DARING 2 TELL U.IM FEELING REALLY STUPID AND HIMULIATED.AND I REALLY DONT DARE 2 TALK 2 U.MAYBE AFTER THIS,I WONT EVER TALK COS IVE LOST ALL MY COURAGE,HERE.<3
Tuesday, March 27, 2007 '
Im still feeling so stupid.i DUNNOE why.And i feel life is starting 2 suck rite now.I just feel it is.Or maybe its just me.I dunnoe.I feel that im starting suck at everything i do.And why the hell am i being put into the stupid sandcastle making competition??i tink that stupid guy whos been quiet eversince i confronted him is in there too.foo shhh.I mean id rather not be participating in anything really.OMG.I JUST WANNA SCREAM!LET IT GO!UGH!but after that i'll surely cry.i dunnoe.it just happens 2 me.When i get angry and i let it go i'll like cry after that.OMG and i don normally cry that much.Just that recently when i get angry at myself i'll start crying smtimes.Maybe cos i cant slash no more.well,its 4 my own good.ive got nth else 2 say.And i think im really trying hard 2 snap out,cos i lost count of the days im nt talkin 2 her in real life after i confessed 2 her.hahaha.hahaha.hahahahaha.HAHAHA.im goin crazy!omg.
Monday, March 26, 2007 '
I feel so stupid at the moment.I dont know why.Schoolwise,i got put into the sand castle making competition.ugh.AND I LOST MY MATHS TEXBOOK!!GOSH!i cant do my work.im dead.And y do i keep staring at her!!gosh.hey but at least im keeping it cool.That was advised.but its not that im rushing anything.duuh.Well i really have goldfish memory and i'll forget wad happeed 2day.HOPEFULLY.We've gone thru this,i noe u noe how i feel.UGH.i really dunoe wad 2 say.thats it.AHHHHHHHH
~the cuRse of cuRves~
Saturday, March 24, 2007 '
Yeah!haircut!!woohoo,,wanna see??
haha actually i slept with wet hair and woke up with an "explosion"!haha but i styled it abit then took a pic..i just woke up actually.huhuhur.And ive put a song,but its not emo or rock surprisingly..i'll update my music..but i luv this song.i luv nerina pallot!her style jus rox.And some may say,like y the sudden change.my skin(though its still red and black),the songs i put tt kinda stuff.I just wanna say,although i like gory and gothic stuff,i still have the pleasant side of me.=)and currently im hvin the pleasant feeling..maybe cos of my haircut..hmm or cos of smthing else.haha well be in later..
Friday, March 23, 2007 '
I need to put some songs.new songs.haha.Im actually planning 2 go to the library rite now but i dunnoe why theres something that i just need 2 say.ok,so,im really really damn close to forgetting the feelings that i have.But you noe there will be those moments where you start thinking about that person AGAIN.I mean,im like seeing her everywhere i go.and that kinda sucks.And i'm like angry at myself because i just cant stop thinking bout her.IT SUCKS.IT REALLY DOES.i noe u understand how i feel so please dont say its ok.I mean hey im just 14,i dont know what L.O.V.E is.Its just puppy love.YES,just a crush.Hmm i hope theres not gonna be any trouble now that some of my friends noe.But friends,really its nth big ok.Nth going on.Nth going 2 be going on.So if we dont talk,i think its ok.maybe it will/not help me in some way.For now i REALLY need 2 get over myself cos i feel really stupid.And i just wanna say,Im sorry for EVER even liking you,REALLY.I really thought it was a huge mistake for me to even like you.I feel kinda stupid,but hey at least i noe ive told you and erm accomplished my mission?HAHAHA AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IM TALKING LIKE THIS.Soo erm yeah,i still hope we can be FRIENDS?hurhurhur.=)And the probs in school,im isolating myself from the ppl who create trouble,soo dont be surprised if u guys see me alone.HURHURHUR
Wednesday, March 21, 2007 '
Yeah!new blogskin hahaha.Its nt really complete though..smthings missing..hmm..
Anyways..Problems are arousing again.foook shit.And its from school.Gosh when is this going to end?I understand that in life theres ups and downs but im jus ugh.
HAHA 2 day i had 2 tie up my hair cos i had 2..i got 1 demerit point cos of my hair..and i'll be getting a haircut on sat..soo i probably hv 2 suffer until friday..hahaha
And just why cant i stop thinking of her at certain tmes?!ugh.but its slowly fading away..YES..must be happy..haha well my hearts hardened and im over u.i hope.GTG!AHHHH.
Friday, March 16, 2007 '
Well well well,i guess im now finally ok..I DONT KNOW..just that finally i like told her how i felt..But hey she's guessed it cos shes been in this kinda situation before..I mean i dont blame her for not liking me,I knew this would come..Just that when I'm trying to avoid her to "snap out of it",she still talks to me.And during my "emo moments" i'll be like hearing emo songs and wads in my mind?HER.YES.But at least she says im a really good friend..:)thats good enough i guess.I just wanted 2 say,even if i cant be with u as a___ i can be there 2 be ur fwen wen u need me(:
Thursday, March 15, 2007 '
Soo history is starting 2 repeat itself again.WTH.My mums starting 2 be "sick" again and 4 wad reason i dunnoe.Signs of her "sick":
She'd be like making noise cos i spend so much time on the computer,hey im doin my projects!and she's be thinkin im doin things like i dunnoe,watch sm "dirty" stuff.well according to her.Its always like this.If i watch videos or things like tt she'd be like,"WAD ARE U WATCHING?!THINGS TT ARE NOT GOOD 4 U RITE?!"(translated).I mean hey i don watch dirty stuff or anything!why do u always have 2 accuse me?!fuck shit.ugh.
Im tryin 2 keep my cool.Ugh i think i still need the conselling sessions.gosh.
Anyway..I DIDNT GET 2 CATCH ALL OF THE MOVIE "RED DOORS".FUCK.i wanna watch..
And 2 *SMONE*:about the movies thingy,its ok no big deal..i was a little upset a little..but hey,theres still another time rite?(or maybe not..pffs)and invited u as a FRIEND.jus wanted 2 make it clear..;)"and i noe its late,and my voice is cracking.."
UGH "why do all good things come 2 am end?"
HAHAHA cya arnd...
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Trying to avoid,but not avoiding.I mean i really dunnoe whats gotten into me,asking her out?!But hey i asked her out as a friend.I also told her that she can bring her friend.
But in the end,we didnt go out.haha.That is why im like calling myself a sucka.I know i would be wasting my time asking her out and stuff.I mean,i dont even think we have anything in common.Tell me if we do.WAIT i know ur answer,we have nothing at all.
Well just 2 let ya'll know,i think my probs at home are goin 2 start again.Gosh cant things just go right when school is starting??Is anything ever gonna be ok?!GOSH!UGH!
lets just hope my probs at home will turn ok.And lets not hope for anything thats gonna happen between me and her.
WHY AM I LIKE SO UPTIGHT?!
I'll leave you with a smile =)<3
Wednesday, March 14, 2007 '
Dear diary,mood;apathetic..
I just simply don't understand why I'm feeling so apathetically apathetic.I mean yeah at certain times I'll just be sitting in one corner quietly listening to "crimson songs" with my hair down.But I feel there's something extra there.Im still trying to find out whats in me.Why do my eyes weaken when i hear the songs,why do I feel so empty.
But hey,at least I have my boundaries and do not wish 2 cross the line.Maybe I just need 2 get away foe awhile,4get about the "emoness" in me.1st things 1st,I'm gonna cut my hair.(NO,YES,NO,I DON NOE!!)I think i really need 2 avoid contact.Well,lets just see whats gonna happen to me.I guessed "you brainwashed me and now im all confused.."I'm just still finding bits and little pieces on why I liked you.I've told myself enough is enough and I NEED 2 move on.I cant jus drool over that issue for all my life.No miracle would happen.And I know for sure...Goodnight and goodbye..
Tuesday, March 13, 2007 '
°º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ Put your arms around her waist and whisper in her ear °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ Make her feel wanted every chance you get °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ Hold her close when she's cold °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ When you are alone hold her close and kiss her °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ Kiss her on the tip of her nose (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss them) °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ While in the movie, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin and kiss her lightly °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ When she complains that her neck/ shoulders hurts massage it for her °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ When people diss her stand up for her °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦ Lay down under the stars and out her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸ °º¡¦,¸¸,¡¦º°`°º¡¦,¸¸°º¡¦
i do not noe y i posted tis..bwahahaha
Monday, March 12, 2007 '
Bwahahaha..I dont know wats up with me..and the previous post..maybe i was jus in the EMO MOOD..but well at least now she noes about it..=)and im actually glad tt i got it off my chest..huahahaha though sm words are like soo emo..kuang3...
PAPER BAG COVERING ME..NEED 2 GET AWAY..HUAHAHAHA!
Friday, March 9, 2007 '
I saw you when i had a bad day.I always see you after I've had a tiring day.I see you when troubles hit me.I see you when you made fun of me.You tended to my wound when i was hurt.I cant help but think about you each time i see you.I do wonder,why i have these feelings 2wards you.But for now,what really puzzles me is that y do i have a sudden change?This feeling I have is more realistic.I dunnoe why im starting 2 say this now,but from the 1st moment i saw u,i kept staring at you.You may not realise it,but for some reason,i kept staring at you.When i got to know more about you,I was in aw.
But for as long as Ive seen you around,Im starting to be fond of you.And its not the fact that you are One.I think its ur personality,ur smile,ur humour.But i guess its not possible between us.You like smone else,and im happy for you.=)And no,i wont do anything out of this world.I jus need 2 get away for awhile.Soo umm if ure reading this,IM GONNA HV A PAPER BAG OVER MY HEAD=P.Its ok.."Seasons are changing And waves are crashing And stars are falling all for us Days grow longer and nights grow shorter...."Ermm tts all i hv 2 say for now,i'll jus gaze at the stars..=)GO FOR IT;)
Thursday, March 8, 2007 '
PMS...muahahaha i missed a month and this month im like really growly..cant explain it..hmm..soo anyway wad happens when u irritate a person whos hvin Prehistoric Monster Syndrome??i guess trouble.nyehehee..Well apparently,i blasted at a guy.He's like damn freaking irritating man,from last year ive been finding a time or way 2 take my revenge.This happened during science class,i wasnt really listening to the teacher(tts y i failed and the topic's boring!)i was kinda pissed of soo i was quiet.He was like calling my friend to pass the mark sheet.I turned arnd 2 take it 4 her and he was like "what?fuckerfuckerfuckerfat"..I was like WTF!DID HE HV ANY REASON IN SAYING THOSE THINGS?I DON CARE WAD HE SAID I JUS CANT TOLERATE HIM ANYMORE.N THEN..
I stood up and pushed his table and i was like WHATS UR PROBLEM?!and the teacher was like "the proBLEM IS U ARE IN MY CLASS!!"i sat down.and wen the teacher talked 2 us,he like took the opportunity n told the teacher tt i wanted 2 find fault.SUCKER!i was damn angry n for sm reason,tears started rolling down my cheeks.In my mind i was like,fish man pms is jus getting worser,i hope i don go crazy!muahaha
T.G.I.F..and thank god my period's over..Im ok now,nt so pissed off..but tt guy tinks tt i hv a gang outside skool,thanks 2 sharina telling him tt,hes scared of me..MUAHAHAHAHA.N HEY.IVE GOT A LAPTOP!WOOHOO FINALLY A COM=)
